Missouri Family Law Blog

Millions of Americans facing divorce, and few of them really understand the process. Where there are children involved, the adults need to put aside their own confusion and deal with the uncertainty that the children are experiencing. But guess what? they never do, and that is the sad ugly truth of divorce, American style.

Mama does not want Daddy to come home; Daddy thinks Mama is a bad parent; who is right, who is wrong? Often, unless there is abuse, neglect, alcohol use, drug use or gambling, with quantifiable triggers for the emotional quagmire, neither of them is right and both of them are right. Mama cannot live with what Daddy has done; Daddy cannot live with what Mama has done; but many times, the behavior that ’causes’ the divorce has nothing to do with the children or the parties’ abilities to parent.

We need to ask ourselves: What do we do about this mess? How do we diffuse the conflict? If Mom and Dad are both reasonably fit parents, we start by making the language neutral. It is not “my home” and “Dad’s house” — it is “my home” at both parents’ houses. And everyone involved must cultivate this view. Yes, they are just “words”, but they are words that can sting and stain and leave a stench. So choose words that don’t hurt — “time” or “parenting time” instead of “visitation”, for one thing. Don’t set your child up to think of his other parent as a stranger.

Short rant–but one that I want to have stick in your head.

Today, I got a visitation order for a Dad that had not seen his child for several years. The circumstances are not as important as the fact that a father who longs only to be an active father to this child as he is to his other children, will finally begin to have that ability and right allowed to him.

As an attorney, I feel very good about this. The mother fought for two years and has many claims about the father — some true, some partially true, and some not true — but ultimately, the judge told us that the claims did not amount to anything that would likely result in restricted access. I am very happy — and proud, and hopeful.

Fathers need to stand up for their rights, and continue the fight. Children deserve the love of BOTH their parents, and if their parents are ready, willing and able to give that love, then they should be allowed to do so.