Missouri Family Law Blog

September 26, 2007

A Good Idea Gone Wrong: Divorce Lawyers Can Be Stinkers

Filed under: Uncategorized, Missouri Divorce — Administrator @ 1:48 am

Hold the phone, here. Is this a divorce lawyer sitting down to write about her colleagues and complain? Noooo, nooo, not really.

Well, perhaps a little.

Okay, that’s exactly what I have on my mind this evening.

On two separate occasions in the last week or so, clients have called, upset because their cases were not settling. In each case, I have told my client that settlement offers had gone out, that they were more than reasonable, that they invited dialogue, and that they had been met with silence. In each case, the client called their soon-to-be-ex, from whom the client heard that the soon-to-be-ex had not received the settlement offer. I can’t contact a represented party, but I can encourage my client to contact the other party and ask the other party to put a bug in their lawyer’s ear.

Lots of lawyers return calls to other lawyers with promptness. I’ve been heartened to have my share of good opposing counsel. In return, I try to pressure myself to be a good opposing counsel — curb my natural zealousness, edit my letters to remove little caustic comments, return calls, avoid polarization, etc. But sometimes, one has to be oppositional: that’s why they call it the adversary system.

However, many, many cases can and should settle, and in more than a few instances, it is the failure of the lawyers — and on occasion, I admit, of myself — that prevents or delays settlement.

It is good for the clients if the case can settle. And so, after a couple of weeks of frustration with other lawyers, I’m starting my day out tomorrow with renewed resolve. Return calls, answer letters, review settlement options. Keep in contact. Treat the other lawyer — and the other client — with respect and dignity.

Divorce lawyers, like divorce litigants, can be stinkers. The world is smelly enough. Let’s all keep this in mind. Settle, if possible, and if settlement is not possible, we can still treat each other with civility.

As Lucille Johanna Lyons Corley once said, “Even brain cancer is not an excuse for rudeness.”

September 8, 2007

Pro Se or Not Pro Se, that is the question!

Filed under: From Corinne, Missouri Divorce — Administrator @ 8:19 pm

There currently is a movement among a small segment of attorneys and judges in Missouri who serve on the Pro Se Commission, to provide particular assistance to pro se litigants in family law cases. I have a problem with the mechanics of what is being attempted.

My problem with this effort is two-fold. First, It must be said that I view aspects of it as tantamount to the American Medical Association handing patients a knife and suggesting that they go ahead and take their kidneys out. One has an absolute right to represent oneself in litigation; and, I suppose, one has an absolute right to perform surgery on oneself. However, providing an anatomical diagram does not give one all the information necessary to take out one’s kidney, nor does it arm the would-be-self-surgeon with the information to know whether the kidney should be taken out and what might happen if one takes it out.

The same thing is true of providing “forms” for the pro se litigant to file their own divorce. The mere provision of those forms does not give the self-represented litigant adequate knowledge to pursue the case, nor adequate knowledge to know what needs to be done and when. What it does do is open up the potential that the self-represented will feel they are protected because they are using court forms. I think it is folly to give people a false sense of security.

I have represented many people whose lives were complicated by things that happened on account of self-representaiton. Deeds were not properly drafted, executed or recorded. QDROs were no done or were done incorrectly. Parenting plans did not contain all of the necessary elements. Or, along the way during a lawsuit, rights were lost because the self-represented did not know they were “supposed” to take certain actions.

I am against providing these forms for the simple reason that I am against giving people weapons of self-devastation. If the forms are not available, then the self-represented will either do their own research to figure out what has to be done, which might increase but not guarantee the potential that it will be done right; or they will keep looking until they find an attorney whom they can afford to retain.

And, I am not in favor of increasingly high legal fees. I try to scale my fees down. I am not rich. But neither am I alone in being reasonable in my fees. Moreover, I think the Bar’s obligation is in promoting projects that increase the availability of free or no-cost services for those who cannot afford to hire lawyers. That would truly help.

The other movement is to require judges to undertake to help pro se litigants during court proceedings. That movement is tantamount to giving trial judges license to be prejudiced. Trial judges are not supposed to favor one class of litigants over another. If we give license to trial courts to favor one class of litigants over another, however well intended, we destroy our system of impartial tribunals. We open the door to allowing favoritism for any one group over another. That is not how our courts are supposed to be.

I realize that our courts often seem to favor one group of litigants over another. For example, I represent a lot of fathers, and it is without question true that the law used to, and in many cases still tacitly does, favor mothers over fathers. Why would we want to institutionalize favoritism?

I take my moral and ethical duties very seriously, which is one reason I answer posts on this board. Yes, representing others is how I make my modest living. So perhaps one could say it is in my own interests to discourage self-representation. But I have plenty of business. There are always people wanting to hire divorce lawyers. I do not need to discourage self-representation in order to thrive.

If you want to represent yourself, you have the right to do so. But I do not want to give you ammunition that could ultimately lead to your legal downfall because you represent yourself and don’t do what you should do or what you would have done had you had counsel. Moreover, there is no way it is fair to encourage judges to favor one class of people over the other. For these reasons, I oppose the movement in Missouri, and for no other. I want everyone to have good representation, and I try to charge very reasonable rates and to encourage my colleagues to do so. I volunteer my time. I take pro bono cases. I try to give general guidance in this and other forums. In short, I want people to be protected. If that is bad, then, so be it.

This is my opinion and mine alone. I speak for no other person or group.

Feel free to post comments — I am also a First Amendment advocate!!!

September 7, 2007

Vengeance is Mine, says the ‘Custodial’ Parent

Filed under: Missouri Divorce, Father's Rights, Families in Crisis — Administrator @ 1:52 pm

News flash: Threatening to call the police when a nearly grown child goes to the other parent’s house due to conflict with you, the ‘custodial parent’, is not a good parenting technique.

Don’t get me wrong. There are times when a ‘custodial parent’ may, and should, legitimately call for law enforcement assistance. Unwarranted and/or unreasonable refusal to return the children at the end of parenting time is often a legitimate basis for seeking assistance of the police. But when a 16 year old, with her own car and a job, goes a day early to Dad’s house due to rampant and ongoing discord with Mom, Mom should think five or six times before carrying out a shrilly voiced threat to call the police.

What part of “joint legal and joint physical custody” do some people not understand? This means that the parents are co-captains in charting the course of their children’s navigation. It does not mean the person who has more overnights or whose residence is “the principal residence for purpose of mailing and education” makes all the decisions — quite the opposite. What is it about divorce that makes some people turn rabid? I have yet to understand this.

Admittedly, there are two or three or more sides to every story. In the case I am addressing, Mom agreed that daughter could go live with Dad due to discord between Mom and Daughter — until Mom realized that Dad’s child support would decrease, then Mom, in writing to Dad, said she couldn’t afford the switch. Daughter, who had already packed, took umbrage. And this is one in a series of such vacillations by Mom regarding one or the other of the children.

Daughter, upset and anxious, arrives at Dad’s a day early for scheduled weekend parenting time. Dad perceives daughter to be feeling ill, upset and anxious and calls Daughter’s school and says Daughter will need to take a sick day. Mom calls, threatening Sheriff, saying Dad has no right to call Daughter in sick.

What the heck is Mom thinking???

You parents out there — Moms and Dads, custodial and ‘noncustodial’, joint custodians, everyone: Parent with your head and the good side of your heart. Drop control as a governing principle, and think about the child for once, not yourself.

Give us divorce lawyers a weekend off. Save your money for the kids’ college fund.

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